Abandon Yourself

This is the phrase that comes to mind when I think of the Heart's Home mission. You must truly abandon yourself and surrender your will. This is true for everybody though, not just the missionaries. If you truly abandon yourself and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you, you will be even more happy than you could ever make yourself.

I've learned I have to abandon many things, but I have to trust that I'm doing what has been planned for me since birth. It is that turst that keeps me grounded and brings me peace. This trust allows me to have no fear. I am not afraid of moving to a Spanish speaking country, a community where I don't know anybody, of giving up most technology, of leaving my loved ones; yes, I am upset when I know I'll miss birthdays, graduations, holidays and everyday joys, but I know my family will be okay without me. I'll be back, this isn't forever.

I have started to abandon myself and every day I wish it would have happened earlier. The amount of joy, peace, and grace I receive in this abandonment fulfills me more than any materialistic notion could. I see the beauty in many more things now. The women at the homeless shelter in Brooklyn, the person on the street, the mass, and many other things.

It breaks my heart that we live in a society that frowns upon this abandonment. Not just the abandonment of living for Him, but if you were to wake up one morning and decide to just be with that day and abandon what society dictates. If you were to leave your computer and phone off, not go to work, and just spend time being and reflecting on the path you're on and where it's going in contrast to where you desire, truly desire, it to go, chances are, your boss will be extremely unhappy with you, your friends and family will be upset you didn't call or text back, all in all, you'll most likely be made to feel guilty and probably criticized once you "return to the world."

What if, in examining what you're made for, you realize you're unhappy and need to make changes, small or big? Either way, many people may not understand and will have a hard time accepting it. I still bear this cross today. But if you are moved to change, do it! Abandon yourself and change. It doesn't matter what your belief is, I assure you, the amount of peace and grace you receive in this abandonment is enormous. It truly offsts the fear of change, rejection, and the unknown.

You don't have to go on a mission to Peru, or save the world. Maybe your change is to go back to church or make an effort to go every week. Perhaps you realize the career you have actually brings you sadness, or maybe you buy granola bars to give to the homeless you see on the street. Whatever it is, try it, and see the way it changes your life.

It has been a crazy 3 weeks! Orientation was great! I got to meet 4 other people preparing to leave for mission and it was nice to finally be able to relate to someone who understood everything that was going on. I had the opportunity to practice mt Spanish and to meet some of the friends of the Brooklyn home. I could write a long novel about those two weeks, but I won't. I'll just sum it up by saying it was great :)


I got a call the other night that I am no longer going Barrios Altos. Instead, I am going to the other home in Lima, La Ensenada. It is more on the outside of the city and is a little quieter from my understanding. It is a difficult change for me this close to leaving but I'm hoping it'll be worth it, I'm sure it will.


This week I am working on going through all of my stuff and beginning to pack. I keep thinking I have a month left, but really I have 2 weeks to pack for the next 15 months of my life. This weekend is my going away party with family and then a week at home, a roadtrip with a good friend, and a week in Tulsa before I leave. I hope to say goodbye to as many people as I can, but I apologize if I don't get to you. I have already begun my goodbyes and it has proven to be extremely difficult. I know it isn't forever, but saying goodbye to my friends (really they're my family..) is really tough when they've had such an impact on my life. I'll be posting my new address soon along with other practical aspects before I leave.


Peace,
Kari